ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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