I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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