bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
