how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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