Screwed.edu
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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