I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
