I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i believe in u and ur pee
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
