There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
