I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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