If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
