I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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