There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
