what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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