im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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