dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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