Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
