I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
