Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
