Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
