scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
