We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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