Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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