No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
