I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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