I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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