Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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