i think i have two assholes
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
