I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
