After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they're like a gay fantastic four
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
