i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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