guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
