I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You are a genius and a whore.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
