well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
