Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
