I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
