So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
