Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
