I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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