I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
