He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
