I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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