make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
