i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
