my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
