So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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