I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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