I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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