When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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