My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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