I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
