I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize