Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was confusing and full of hummus
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
