im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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