i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Are we still banned from the library?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
