she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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