The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
