Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
