you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
