Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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