We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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