An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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