So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize