If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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