brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
