Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
North Korea, Best Korea!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
