"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
