We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
