There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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