New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize