I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
