we have officially lost it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
