Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
