it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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