So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
