I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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