she woke up with a sticky ear
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
