i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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