Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
