I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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