yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
