I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
And then he peed in my hair
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