It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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