Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
