Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
