i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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