Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
