I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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