you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
