I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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