Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
