it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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