I need help removing her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
