I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
