I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
