Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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