I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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