How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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