The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
