that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
