YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His nipple licking is glorious
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