she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Randomize
