i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
